he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
