You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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