If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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