Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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