I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
