I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
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I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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