oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
