When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
