Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
