Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
