Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize