I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
