Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
