I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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