i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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