It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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