So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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