actually, I'm a sock model
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
