i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They took my balls.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
