He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
