my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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