y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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