You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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