Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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