I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
