shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
