Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
