the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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