They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
