so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
