That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
