Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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