Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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