Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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