And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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