i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
