I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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