hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
