last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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