He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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