He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
