bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
