# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
