Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
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