Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
