I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
