Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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