I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
