I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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