Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
