oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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