I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
