"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
