It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
