I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
