I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
