Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
