i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
