When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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