I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
