totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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