My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
