The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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