ugly people sure do ruin things
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
