I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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