Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
