Betty ford says i'm here all night
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize