I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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