I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
