yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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