So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
