What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
