I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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