No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
