Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
