I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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